Mister Husband and I got a lovely shag for ourselves. My poor mother is on tenterhooks. She doesn’t know what I’m going to put up here next! I’d better come clean. When I say shag, I am talking about shag pile. As in carpet. But you all knew that’s what I meant, right? Right???? It’s a dirty job but someone had to do it so Mister Husband and I went shopping for carpets. We have been in our lovely new country mansion slash money pit for 15 months now and still sleeping in our sitting room. The Screecher Creatures, the three oldest ones at least, have been kipping in the study and our living room is the telly/dining room. The only room that is being used for its true intention is the bathroom. Thank Christ. We have three roomy bedrooms upstairs that are being used purely for storage. I hate going up there. You wouldn’t know what you might find or in our case, not find. There are things up there that I haven’t seen for over two years. The house is a state. It’s a good thing I’m not overly house proud. My mother will attest to that. I would like to be. At least that’s what I tell myself. I reckon I would be good at it too. The lads are no strangers to my shouting at them over mucky footprints, yellow puddles in the bathroom and bouncing on the furniture. Actually, they probably wouldn’t notice if I picked it up a notch. And this weekend, there will be a birthday party for a crowd of 6 year olds. Boys are rambunctious at the best of times but I am beginning to feel a bit uneasy about such free spirited creatures running wild about the place. See, the house is a veritable death trap. If anyone reading this has a child in Screecher Creatures No. 1’s class and is coming to the Dooley Hooley, stop reading. Turn on the telly. Pick up your book. Stop reading this. There is a hole at the front of our house that fills up with water when there is heavy rain. Our boys love it. This hole is big enough to masquerade as a mini swimming pool. A mini swimming pool with builder’s debris at the bottom of it. Its original purpose was somewhere to bury waste building materials from the house build. It was opened 15 months ago, never used and never filled in. Out the back the trampoline has a shredded safety net. Screecher Creature No. 3 did one of his Olympic moves on it, bounced straight out and onto the ground. (Why am I putting in writing, reasons for Social Services to pay a visit to our humble abode????) Come inside where the tour continues. Bring your hard hat. We have a stairs. It is a bespoke stairs, with lovely wooden steps made from some trees that were local to the area. (Mister Husband is shit hot at his job) but because we are still residing on the ground floor, the stairs is unfinished. It has no sides. It is, however, blocked off at the bottom by a large board nailed in place so it is inaccessible to all except an adult. Last week the carpets found their way home after being in the factory showrooms for the best part of a month. They are now upstairs because the Screecher Creatures were having a rare aul time on them. Remember the mighty fun you used to have on bales of straw as a child? I certainly do and the farmer having to come out afterwards with the baler to go over the couple of bales we destroyed. The Screechers were not going to be given the chance to do the same to our carpets. Mister Husband had a rough deadline for the Grand Move Upstairs. It was originally the end of February, or thereabouts. We’ll see. Again, not bothered too much. Although it will be wonderful to have a proper bedroom and joy of joys, a second bathroom. One with a bath!!!!! It’s true what they say; you don’t miss it until it’s gone. I was always more of a shower person myself, still am, but the boys. Oh, the boys! Mister Husband asked me this morning when were they showered last and I honestly couldn’t remember! I took the corner of a towel to Screecher Creature No.1’s neck. *whispers* But only because there is the very strong possibility that his Munteoir might see the cut of him if he is standing next to him. I did, however, take Screecher Creature No. 4 into the shower with me during the week so at least he’s clean. Oh, wait now, he had pasta yesterday followed by some of those god-awful Organix Carrot Sticks he likes so much. If you look closely, you can see the evidence! But to finish up, I’ll get my lovely shag pile down and with a bit of luck, a bathroom that will remain pee free. Oh, and clean(er) kids too!!! Happy days!