Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Crap Day

I know it’s going to be a crap day when…………………

I look at the clock and think I’ll be out the door in 20 minutes.  An hour later I’m only opening the front door to walk to the car.

Not only have I changed two dirty nappies in ten minutes, I’ve also had to do an entire clothes change due to a cat poo “incident” in the garden.
Oh, and the shoes as well.  The type with the grooves on the soles.

I walk into the laundry room to find “someone” has played with the industrial sized box of washing powder.  There are little tyre marks made by the little trucks that were pushed through mounds of white powder sprinkled liberally on the floor by the little ……….

The dodgy smell emanating from the front room turns out to be the missing nappy your toddler “hid” two days before.

Don’t mention the weather.

I can’t find my car keys.

The car won’t start because the boys had been in it the previous day and left a light on.

I leave the house with one perfectly made up eye, and the other one forgotten about.

A rogue tissue has been left in a jeans pocket in the wash and well, you know the rest.

I get a letter informing me of my driving test date.

A small child appears naked by my bedside at 7am informing me that he needs to “go to the loo” and decides the carpet is the best place to “go.”

I leave “them” alone in the front room while I made a quick bathroom stop. I swear to God, I was only gone ten seconds (And I’ll admit I didn’t bother washing my hands) to find on my return, had they not only plucked every single green leaf from my beautiful Peace Lily, shredded it and the single flower I had lovingly cultivated for the last four weeks, but they had also tossed out most of the clay onto the carpet.

Don’t mention the weather!

There are spoons in the fridge.  I put them there.

I’m in my local department store.  I’ve got go faster stripes down my trouser leg (yogurt and breakfast remains), I’ve brushed my hair (I think!) no make-up on and the security guard is keeping a very obvious eye on me.

I’m in Next returning a purchase bought from the internet only to be told it’s A-Wear I should be in.  Or was that the other way around?

 It’s potty training time!!!!!!!!  (This one could last several weeks!)

I’ve filled the car at the service station, paid and gone to another shop for a coffee.  Then and only then I see that I have neglected to rub in my dots of foundation. 

I put petrol instead of diesel into the car. 

I’d get back into my bed only the sheets need to be changed and I haven’t got the time to do it!!!!!

I’ve sucked hot ashes into the Hoover cleaning out the grate.  When the fire is lit.  It takes two days for the smell of burning rubber and hairs to leave the house.

I can’t find the marmalade.

Still and all it’s got to be better than the story I heard lately about the lady who ate poo. She thought it was a dot of chocolate on her jeans.  It wasn’t!


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