Monday 11 June 2012

In the Ghetto

*Screecher Creature No. 1 had a play date.  He’s had many but this one in particular stands out.  To clarify, it’s what happened when he was brought home that remains with me as I wasn’t actually on the play date with him.  Because that wouldn’t be a pay date, would it?  That would be him at home with me and his brothers.  In other words, a normal day.  I’ll get to the point now.  Some weeks ago, we were in nanas for dinner.   Some toy or other was given to the Screecher Creatures to play with and true to form, a fight broke out.  Probably over who got to break it first.  Aunty I Don’t Take No Shit From No-One promptly stepped in and removed it from several grasps.  She went a step further and told them “that’s” what happens when you can’t play nicely.  There was deadly silence.  I could hear collective lips beginning to tremble but nana got there first.  “Ah, give it back to them, Aunty I Don’t Take No Shit From No-One.”  (Her name is really Leanne)  True to her name Aunty IDTNSFN-O stood her ground.  “No.”  She jabbed her finger at me. “I read her blog.”  And she left the room with the toy.  It seems a lot of people do.  Read my blog, I mean.  (Thank you!)  Back to the play date.  Screecher Creature No. 1 spent a very pleasant afternoon in his friend’s house.  There were treats, juice, pasta for dinner made special like for him, games with water pistols and lots of running about.  In general, great fun.  He was even dropped back home so I didn’t have to pack up the rest of them and bring them along for the trip.  He was returned back to his tribe in a very nice car.  A very nice car indeed.  I am not a car person.  My knowledge of vehicles extends to what colour it is and what hangs from the rear-view mirror!  But even my own hand itched to reach out and touch this nice motor vehicle.    My own car is green.  It is a means to get from A to B without pieces falling off.  Sometimes the windows wind down of their own accord when I remove the key from the ignition.  It is the only time they open.  The hazards are extremely friendly and will flash at anything that moves on the road.  Most confusing for other motorists.  The inside is not exactly in pristine condition either.  I won’t go into detail here just be content in the knowledge that it has seen cleaner times.  The other day one of the Screechers used a nice big stone to draw something on the paintwork of the car.  It would have, should have, blended in with all the other dents and bumps, but he was obviously going for bold print and put his heart and soul into it. So Screecher Creature No. 1 is driven home from his play date in absolute style and the Yummy Mummy came in to talk to the Scummy Mummy (that would be me).  Imagine my absolute horror when I glanced out the window a few minutes later to see him sprawled all over the bonnet of the lovely car.  Up on it he was, and if memory serves me correctly, he was hanging onto the wipers as well.  Holy two thousand and twelve car Batman.   Yummy and Scummy raced out to push him off it and to my other absolute horror there were two more Screecher Creatures the far side of the lovely car with fists full of stones which they were throwing around with gay abandon.  One of them was naked except for his Ben 10 underpants and a pair of wellies.  His body was streaked with dirt. He would be Screecher Creature No. 2 our Resident Stripper.  The other one, Screecher Creature No. 3, was clothed, but equally filthy and had a snotty nose that had no business being on his face of an evening in late May.   Basically they looked and were acting like a bunch of unruly savages.    Scenes from a film were flashing through my mind but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it until Screecher Creature No. 3 leapt down from the rubble pile with a blood curdling scream, brandishing a sharp stick.  Lord of the Flies.  A question now for the mothers’ of girls.  Do you have the same cinematic experience only it’s “Little Women” on your home mind movie?  I was absolutely mortified.  Mob mentality was taking over and I could feel a thin layer of perspiration covering my body.  I felt real fear that they were going to vandalise the lovely car.  I started to shout.  It wasn’t working.  What to do?  What to do?  I let one final roar of desperation out of me and thankfully it halted the proceedings.  Peace prevailed for the time it took the lovely car to reverse out of our drive.  Then they went in search of something to destroy inside the house.  During the week, nana asked how the play date went for Screecher Creature No. 1.  I told her she could read all about it on the blog.  “Oh Jesus, don’t put it up there!” Nana said, her hands flying to her face.  “But I didn’t tell you what happened yet!”  I protested.  “You don’t have to,” was her final comment.    Like I said, everyone reads my blog. (Thank you!)       
*Used with kind permission from Wendy.  She would be the Yummy Mummy mentioned above.  She also reads my blog.  (Thank you!)


  1. I laughed so hard I snorted toast up my nose! Brilliant! I wanna come visit! X

  2. Thanks Niamh!!!! True story! Hope you were able to salvage the toast. If you are in the Kildare area any time, you would be most warmly welcomed! Was in Liffey Valley yest. (Bank Holiday Sunday) not sure if that's your haunt, but I was keeping a look out! I always do when I'm in Dublin. Keep telling you that :) You and Maria Casey Moulton. Oh and Erin Darcy. Ye are all on my bucket list!! ♥