Yesterday I sat in a chair.
All day. A nice comfy one. Kind of. Sort of. If you call a numb leg and creases in your face comfy, then yes, it was a comfy chair. But let me start at the beginning.
I felt so awful my stomach lurched when I looked at my runners and running gear. I love to run. Love it. So this sinking feeling rang all of my bells.
I decided to take Wednesday off. And I did. By off, I mean no exercise at all, a nice breakfast and then I was going to sit on my arse for the rest of the day and read my book.
In my nice comfy chair. The one that numbed my leg and gave me face creases. Extra ones, I mean.
I got into my bed at 8pm, finished my book, turned out the light and slept a deep enough sleep.
I woke up this morning still feeling marginally shitty so I decided to take today as well. I had things to do. School runs, lunches, breakfast, uniforms, but I did not put pressure on myself to be in the dreaded kitchen any longer than I needed to.
By 10am I felt a lot better. I am still tired. Still a bit weary and looking very much forward to the Easter break from school next Wednesday, but the energy levels, whilst still not 100% are slightly better.
It got me thinking. But not too much because after all, I was on a break.
But this is how people suffering with depression and anxiety feel all of the time. With my hand on my heart I can honestly say I was not having a blue this week. I was just tired and needed to shut down and off for a while. Just do what was absolutely necessary.
A few years back I did seek help for depression. I was pregnant and recognised the signs. Because I had been there twice before. Post natally. I decided to be a bit more pro-active about my state of affairs.
I had a chat with my GP who was wonderful and she arranged the necessary appointments for me.
I had to wait six weeks for that counselling session.
Thankfully I was much better by the time it rolled round and I went anyway.
Can you imagine someone who was not feeling better but decidedly worse and absolutely could not wait that length of time to speak to a professional about their mental health?
I can. I try not to. But I can. I think about the family and friends they will leave behind. Their children. Perhaps parents.
It’s horrendous. It’s awful.
I use the word “will” purposefully because it happens every day.
By “it” I mean suicide and self-harm.
That is why I am appealing to anyone who reads this to sign up for the annual Pieta House Darkness into Light event. It will be celebrating its 8th year on Saturday May 7th 2016 with over 100 venues across Ireland.
Pieta House provides a free, therapeutic approach to people who are in suicidal distress and for those who self-harm. 90% of their income comes from fundraising events such as Darkness into Light.
One of their goals is to have a centre within 100k of every person in Ireland.
They are getting ever closer to making this a reality.
Even if you cannot attend on May 7th, pledge your donation to the fantastic work of Pieta House.
Early bird tickets, available now, are only €20.
Have you ever had that dream where you are running but it feels as if your feet are stuck in tar?
That’s what depression can feel like. That’s what hopelessness can feel like.
I sat in a chair for the best part of two days. There are people out there who don’t have that luxury.
Thank you for reading. May you always be well.