Yesterday a newsletter from the local supermarket came through the letterbox.
I wasn’t best impressed.
Do you know what screams, “you’re not worth it?” What yells, “I don’t care if you were in labour for two days and spent the next two weeks sitting on a rubber ring?” (I wasn’t and I didn’t. Meh, semantics.)
An annoying newsletter strongly alluding to the heinous notion, your mother, the one whose vajayjay was forever altered in order to give you life, is not worth the full price of a box of Milk Tray, is what!
And guess what else it had in it?
Go on! I double dare you!
Sliced pans for €1.50 is what!!!!!!
FFS! It’s Mother’s Day!
Please, in case you need to be reminded of such things, please do not buy your mother a bunch of flowers from a petrol station. Or worse again, avail of an offer where you get a free box of chocolates with the flowers. At the petrol station.
Ignore the cheap perfumes in the supermarkets. Steer clear of bunny ornaments and the like. She has enough plates. A meal is a lovely, lovely idea but not with the kids.
So what can you do? What can you get her?
It’s really not that hard. The biggest shove I can give you in the right direction is to get her something you know she would like but would never buy for herself. That may be posh face creams in the chemist, a cook book she has been eyeing up but balks and squawks at the price tag. You will never ever go wrong with a voucher. Hairdressers are your best bet.
Everyone likes to read. If you know her favourite author, problem solved. Failing that, or the lack of a new release, a book voucher will save your skin here again.
|Hint no. 1|
You don’t have to spend a fortune and she probably wouldn’t want you to anyway.
I had a little think about what I might like to receive for Mother’s Day and this is what I came up with. Bearing in mind my lack of sleep days are now, thankfully, a thing of the past, so I have stopped looking for a lie-on.
I am a big fan of body moisturisers. As long as they don’t smell like a strawberry, a bar of chocolate or any other food item, I’m happy. I particularly like the Garnier Oil Restoring range and now, they’ve brought out another one! Much joy. These are gorgeous and stay very much under the ten-euro mark.
|Hint no. 2|
Have you heard the one about the Irish Mammy and her handbag? Neither have I but this is another safe bet. Especially if you’ve caught her picking one up more than once and doing any or all of the following. Opening and closing it. Giving it a thorough once over. She’s mentally considering how many yokes she can fit into it. If she slings it over her shoulder or tucks it under her arm, she really, really likes it. Then she will put it back down and say “sure, I don’t need another handbag. I’ve loads already.” Now’s your chance. Buy it!
|Carraig Donn for Hint No. 3|
Clothes. Like handbags, mammies can never have enough tops and things. And if you do make an error either in sizing or style, it’s not the end of the world. If the item does need to be returned it means she can pick out one she really likes herself! Another win. I like this one.
|Carraig Donn bringing home the 4th hint|
And this one is a bit particular because if you hand your mammy a bra for Mother’s Day you should have a very good reason for doing so. In this case I am talking about a shock absorber. These are wonderful, amazing and a surprisingly comfortable absolutely vital piece of sports attire if you like to run or take part in an exercise that causes your mammaries to move about in the figure of 8. Not the cheapest in the world – this pretty one will set you back €60 but they are so worth it.
|Aiscs for all the brownie points|
In case you were wondering - I’m covered. This morning I was sent out with strict instructions to “get yourself something from the boys for Mother’s Day.”
So I did.
Have a good one whatever you