Monday 25 May 2015

Kids Ain't Got Time For That
Kids aren’t picky creatures by nature.  They don’t mind if there’s chocolate down the front of their jeans.  Showering and changing underwear on a regular basis wouldn’t be high on their list of priorities either.  It doesn’t bother them if a bit of scraggy bread is left in the bottom of their schoolbag with a banana skin.  They like black slime.  Mine certainly don’t lose any sleep over two day old socks.  Here’s a couple other things kids just don’t care about.  This is not a definitive list.  Of course.  It never is. 

That you are tired.  Exhausted even.  The fact that your words are jumbled up - you may have invented a new language FFS - escapes them!  Their little lives and absolutely everything that revolves around it cancels out anything you could possibly ever want or need.  Did you not read the small print?

That you are hungry.  Starving even.  The fact that you have eaten a banana, one pink marshmallow and half a bag of Haribos since 9am (it’s now 4.45pm) neither interests nor worries them. You are standing purely because there are three extremely strong cups of coffee in your stomach.  They. Don’t. Care.  Build a bridge coz they aren’t listening.

That you are in pain.  Excruciating even.  The fact you have a headache, a stomach ache, an ear ache, a life ache doesn’t cost the ingrates a single thought.  Being in the hormentals isn’t their problem either.  And it’s not, you accept that.  Just about.  But could they just kill each other quietly for the next ten minutes please!

That you are in the bathroom.  Might be naked even.  Nu-uh.  Not their concern.  The fact the latrine is the only place where you can have a coffee and a read of Red magazine in peace and quiet doesn’t bother them.  How dare you try and snatch five minutes to yourself.

That you are asleep.  Comatose even.  The fact it is a weekend morning and your subconscious is all over that and this is your extra hour in the scratcher bears no relevance to them.  They have an arse that needs wiping.  Now! Who cares that it’s 6am and they require breakdown assist in the bathroom?  Not them!

That you have made a cup of coffee/phone call.  Even.  The fact that you have spent all morning running around after them and the phone call involves booking their birthday party appears to be your problem.  They have an injury that happened by walking on a crumpled bit piece of paper and they need you to tend to it now!

That you have sat down.  On a chair even.  The fact that it’s for the first time in five hours and there isn’t a steering wheel in front of you, matters not a whit.    Do you not see their collection of rocks that must be looked at and talked about?  This is an important time in their lives and it must not be neglected.  Shame on you for sitting down.

It’s a hard life for us parents.  We could be adults about it and suck it up.  Or we could whinge, give out, berate and moan and then suck it up.  Through a straw.  It’s called Pinot Grigio and I’m a bit partial. 


  1. They literally don't give a toss at all lol

  2. You have just described my five-year-old. Her school bag bugs the living daylights out of me. Everyday is gooey regardless of what's in her lunchbox.

    1. The wierd thing with one of mine is he HATES the smell of his sandwiches in his lunch box. Refuses to eat them. Yet he has no problem with bits of rotten food floating around in his bag.