Monday, 15 June 2015

20 Tips to Keep You Sane During School Holidays
The summer holidays are long.  Gloriously long.  Sometimes maybe even a little too long.  Especially if it’s raining.  Then they’re very bloody long.  Never mind.  It’s only for 8 (long) weeks.  I love them really. No, really I do.  I can’t wait for them to roll round.  Only two weeks away.  Here’s a little list to print out and stick on your fridge.  You can call it your to do list.  You need one.  Or you will.

P.S. buy paracetamol.  You’ll definitely need that!

  1. Drink wine.  But never before 5pm.  It’s called pacing yourself.
  2. Sleep.  Keep them up later in the evenings so they’ll (hopefully) sleep on the next morning.
  3. Drink wine.  I’d recommend a Pinot Grigio.
  4. Let the kids have all the remote controls and all of the screen time.
  5. Drink wine.  Ice cold.  Gorgeous.
  6. Make it even easier and avoid bath time by taking them to the swimming pool.  Bring a magazine to read.
  7. Drink wine.  Not poolside though.  You’ll get caught.
  8. Visit all of the parks and playground.  Tires them out, see?  Helps with No. 2 above.  Bring coffee and a book.
  9. Drink wine.  Not in the park.  You’ll fall asleep in the sun.
  10. Enroll them into summer camps.  I’m sure the neighbours will be running some.
  11. Drink wine.  When the kids are at the neighbours.
  12. Arrange playdates.  At friends' houses.  Cousins' houses.  Neighbours' houses.
  13. Recycle all your empties.
  14. If they are still waking up at silly o’clock, tell them there’s school in the morning.  That’ll put a stop to their gallop!
  15. Drink wine. You’ll probably need it at this stage.
  16. Drive the car round the back.  Hook up the garden hose and give the kidlets sponges.  Clean car.  Clean kids.  You’re welcome.
  17. Drink wine.  It’s summer.  You’re allowed.
  18. Invite a few friends and their kids round.  It’ll change the group dynamic and keep them all entertained for a few hours.
  19. Drink wine with your friends.  Kids can’t share, remember?
  20. Remind yourself how much you were looking forward to the summer holiday.  They’ll be over soon and you’ll have to live in your car again.  Remember to make mulled wine. 

I’d better stick a disclaimer in here.  Naturally I am referring to one small scant glass of wine when I say “drink wine” all those many times above.  That’s all I’ll be drinking.  You do what you like.